Grugger’s Way

Why Didn’t I SKIP a Few Birthdays?

I recall the pangs of aging.  Each birthday represented another year toward death.  Not a celebration…not a party, just another reminder of our own march toward the end.  Depressing? Damn right.

There are those “special” birthdays: 16 (guys don’t get kissed), 21 (buy legal alcohol and begin killing yourself), 25 (insurance rates go down and you can rent a car).

There, that pretty much ends the positives.

Next comes: 30 (no longer to be trusted by the young), 40 (over the hill), 50 (AARP time), 55 (some 10 percent discounts, but officially a “senior citizen”), 60 (just plain old), 62 (well in Montana anyway, free skiing and free fishing licenses. Big deal), 65 (sign up for Medicare part B and for those born prior to 1946, full social security), 66 (full social security for me).

For some reason that I can’t explain, there were certain birthdays that I recall with particular pain: 29, (married, kids, no career, about to become “middle-aged”), 32 (I didn’t even come out of my bedroom–serious depression), 46 (I was in the oldest 1%…one percent!…of the U.S. military), 49 (maybe just because the next year I would be 50).

Birthdays I don’t want to skip:  70, 75, 80, 85, 90.  After that, I don’t care.

Tomorrow:  The Great American Smokeout November 20
Yesterday:  Why Didn’t I Become a Librarian?

Why Didn’t I Become a Librarian?

I have always been attracted to libraries.  I love the solemn atmosphere. I love the quiet solitude. I love the smell.  I love the architecture. I have always been a reader. I like books and literature and writing and history.  In high school, I used to get library passes from Study Hall just to relax in the warm colors and textures of the library’s woodwork and bookshelves.  Same thing in college, where we had FIVE levels, two of which were underground and one was a U.S. Government document repository.

So…why didn’t I become a librarian?

Oh, now THAT sounds masculine!

How many guy librarians do you recall meeting?  It is one of the last female domains.  “Librarian” is not considered to be a male career path, especially for high school juniors and seniors when choosing their colleges and major fields of study.  Nope.  Visiting the library is okay.  Reading books is okay.  Being a librarian?–for girls only.

In  fact, I have a sister who became a school librarian.  Frankly, I believe she chose the field after discovering that she really didn’t enjoy spending all day–day after day–with the same group of rowdy kids.  She loved being the school librarian.  Unfortunately, budget cuts reduced the position to part-time, and she had to begin teaching classes again to remain full-time.

I still enjoy the library, but the experience has become much different.  Today there are computer rooms, teen rooms, kiddie rooms, and video rentals.  Gone are the wooden card catalog, and often times, the newspaper hangers too.  I miss those.  Recently I applied for a part-time job at the local public library.  I didn’t even get an interview and I suspect it is because so many of the volunteers at the library also applied.  That…and most of the applicants were women.

Tomorrow:  Why Didn’t I SKIP a Few Birthdays?
Yesterday:  Why Didn’t I Develop a Real Hobby? 

Why Didn’t I Develop a Real Hobby?

I am concerned that I may end up like my Father, who never developed any passion for any hobby at all, other than taking Polaroid pictures and putting them in albums.  He was so bored with most activities that he was just bored with life in general.  When he couldn’t work in construction any longer, and then his marriage ended, he had nothing to do.  He had absolutely nothing to do.  I have to make sure that is not my fate.

I often list several interests when I complete “profile” blocks on various social networking sites, but none of these interests represent a true hobby.

First of all, it seems like a true “hobby” emerges from one’s  passions and brings joy to our days.  I feel no passion about any of my interests, and none really bring great joy to my days.  Hobbies often, though not always, represent a significant investment in both time and money.  An expense that we are willing to bear because it adds to our quality of life.

So…in listing my “interests” I include photography, writing, flyfishing, gardening, golf, camping, hiking, and pets.  Our only significant investment in money is the small, used motor home that we purchased this year for $11,000.  It is 17 years old.  We purchased it because sleeping in tents and crawling around on the ground has become difficult in my 60’s.  I haven’t golfed in two years, primarily due to lower back problems, my garden doesn’t get planted, my flyfishing this summer amounted to getting my line wet twice.  I take pictures but don’t do anything with them. My writing consists of this blog and three others. I hike only when my wife insists we take a walk while out camping, and the pets….?  I tolerate them and mostly my time involved with pets consists of feeding them and picking up poop in the yard.

So it is time to investigate some other activities.  Any suggestions?

Tomorrow:  Why Didn’t I Become a Librarian?
Yesterday:  Why Didn’t I Think Before I Acted?  

Why Didn’t I Think Before I Acted?

This entire series of “Why Didn’t I” is turning into a month of Reflection and Regret.  There were so many times in my life that I “acted” first, and thought about it afterward, i.e., too late.

One time, in college, I bought nice little necklaces with a pearl in a little cage for FOUR girls!  What was I thinking?  Not only did I look like a fool, the girls refused to wear them once they discovered that it wasn’t an exclusive gift.  In fact, they threatened to just throw them away.  Why didn’t I think how they would feel?

One time, when my sons were ages 9 and 11, my girlfriend decided to help them give me a little surprise birthday party. (I was a single parent.) But I knew what was up.  The three of them had been acting “wierd” for a couple of days.  They “made up” some excuse for me to go to the store, and while I was gone they planned to quickly bring in the gifts and cake from the girlfriend’s car.  I drove off….but quickly drove around the block and passed by the house while they were bringing in the presents, etc!  I waved as I drove by…smugly, I suppose.  They stared at me.  When I returned from the store…there was no surprise birthday party.  In fact, there was no birthday party at all.  They wouldn’t even talk to me because I had ruined their surprise.  My girlfriend later demanded to know:  Why Didn’t I think before I did something like that?  

There were many quiet days over the next week.

I guess I brought a lot of unhappiness upon my family and myself because I often “Didn’t think before I Acted.”

But then, I imagine you have have too.

Tomorrow:  Why Didn’t I Develop a Real Hobby?
Yesterday:  Why Didn’t I Become a Wood Butcher?