Grugger’s Way

Before I retired two years ago, I never even thought about the word FAILURE applying to retirement.

First, we fail when we forget about diet and exercise and the aging process begins to accelerate and we gain weight, lose muscle tone and generally let ourselves believe that it is inevitable and we can’t do anything about it.

Second, we fail ourselves when we become accustomed to “doing nothing” and by that I mean sitting around watching television during the day, having a beer (or two) with lunch, not getting dressed or taking a shower until late in the afternoon, if at all. You might be able to come up with some of your own examples.

Third, we fail our families when we allow ourselves to become so self-centered, so detached from the adult children and grandchildren that they hardly hear from us or see us anymore. Just at the time when we should have MORE time for family, we often become more remote to them.

Fourth, we fail ourselves when we let our bills pile up or we begin to spend money that we really don’t have. We are setting ourselves up for financial failure that we could avoid with a little good judgment.

I see some of these failures beginning to occur in my life and I have ONLY been retired for two years. Time to recognize that I can do something to turn this around before it is too late.

I realized there was some fear of failure when I blogged nearly a year ago about failure being a retirement danger, so I see that it only took me a year to know that there were dangers to be aware of. Here is a link to that earlier post:

Click on the “Archive” image above or you can click on this text link: “Retirement Fear SIX - Failure“

First of all, I didn’t go to very many retirement parties. I went to my own, of course, and there were just two of those. I hosted one party (which means I picked up the tab), and attended just a few parties for my aging co-workers who were “hanging up their hat,” so to speak.

I don’t know where “hanging up my hat” originated, perhaps with old cowboys (wranglers), or saddle tramps, or outlaws, or hobos; maybe police or old time sheriffs were the people who coined the term. I would welcome any suggestions.

But back to surviving retirement parties:

1. I always ate plenty BEFORE the party so I could just nibble at the various unhealthy things offered up on trays and serving lines.
So long as I was carrying around a napkins and a paper plate with various pieces of rolled up meat, etc, nobody felt offended or could tell how little I was eating. I learned this from women, who are VERY good at faking it and thus do not gain weight at parties.

2. If I knew I was likely to be drinking anything with alcohol, I would drink a couple of shots of OLIVE OIL before I left home. This slowed the absorption of alcohol and kept me on my feet. Carrying around a large glass with coke also looked a lot like rum and coke and nobody ever needed to know what a lightweight I was. I also learned this from women, who are VERY good at faking it and thus do not get drunk at parties.

3. If at all possible I left early. Once the other party-goers started getting fueled up they never missed me. If I had to give a speech I practiced #1 and #2 above until I could get out of there.

4. I was meticulous about speaking to every other person at the party. That way they remembered that I had at least showed up. If I missed a guy or two it didn’t really matter but I ALWAYS made sure I spent some time with each woman because they ALWAYS remembered if I ignored them. I learned this from a woman too, and there is no way to fake talking to them; you have to actually make eye contact.

5. I practiced getting fresh air as often as I could. Even the restroom is a good place to take a break. Very few party-goers, if any, will ever notice how often or how long you spend in the restroom. Even if they did, could you imagine them MENTIONING IT?

6. I always sent a note the next day. “Great party…etc.” A guy may not need this, but his wife will notice if you don’t thank them. I also learned this from a woman–the hard way.

Although I’ve now been “retired” for two years, I feel like the “retired” lifestyle is just now becoming comfortable to me.

Every time I drive into town I realize how happy I am that I do not have to make that daily commute.

Every time I see a new business starting up and I feel the slightest “urge” to see if they need any help, I quickly SQUELCH that feeling with a reality check.

I am sixty-two years old, and I am not willing to work with 20-somethings on a daily basis.  What a relief it is to associate with people my own age, and, when I WANT to, I can hang out with the younger generation….if for no other reason than to remind myself that “I’ve been there…done that”  and really want no part of the working world again.

I know that I would still be a valued employee.  Employers tell me ALL THE TIME that my generation brings a completely different “work ethic” to the job, and they would welcome me back into the workforce ANYTIME!

I guess I enjoy the feeling that I might be able to contribute something, but the price seems too high.  I really enjoy my freedom now, and, for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, my time belongs to me!  I’ve always worked for someone else…mostly the government, and government agencies and supervisors act like they OWN you when you work for them.

This transition from “Working man” to “Retiree” has involved intellectual, emotional and physical changes.  Be prepared to deal with all three when you are ready to “hang up your hat” or whatever expression suits your occupation.

I didn’t just forget about my office immediately; there were some months while I continued to keep in touch with the staff and discuss projects that I had been working on.  I read quite a bit about the transition to retirement and I expected the WORST!  Although I admit that my mental state and emotions were at times confused, directionless, and undisciplined, I enjoyed the break from work.  For quite a few months I just felt like I was on an extended vacation and that I would be returning to the office.

During the first year I alternated between SURGES OF ENERGY with no outlet, to physical EXHAUSTION, numerous aches and pains, real and imagined, and lack of ambition.   Whew!  I’m glad I realized that lack of ambition is not a crime when you are retired!   On my WORST days, which were few and far between, I did feel worthless, useless, unwanted and totally without any remaining purpose in living.   That sounds like a guy in his 80’s, not 60, and those feelings never lasted for long.  I enjoy life too much, and I found that GETTING OUTSIDE and breathing REAL AIR, worked wonders for my moods.

I am now two years removed from the workplace.  No longer at a loss for energy, intellectual or physical, and with plenty of outlets for both,  I do love retired life!

Year End Often Brings Depression

I don’t think I am unique by any means in expressing some sadness at each year’s end.  Amongst older folks particularly, the end of another year brings mixed feelings. 

I know we mostly appreciate still being here to see the end of another year, and while this should be somewhat uplifting, it often isn’t.   The end of another year often serves to remind us that:

1.  We are getting older and older and time seems to be passing faster and faster.

2.  Our children are so involved in their own lives and problems that they often have little time for us other than to remember their “duty” to call us or at least send a Christmas card.

3.  It is the flu season and pneumonia season and the cold season, all of which affect us older folks with more frequency and severity than the younger generations.

4.  The cold temperatures demand that we give our aches and pains, bones and joints and muscles, more attention.  Keeping warm and medicated seems to take WAY too much time and effort.  I’m already looking forward to spring.

 5.  Finally, the end of the year means we have survived yet another holiday season, which is often the most depressing time of the year.

This past year, like most recent years, have brought more sadness than joy.  There were more deaths than births, more cancer than cures, more war than peace, more conflict than compromise, more confrontation than cooperation.   

Additionally, on a personal side, I always felt a great sense of accomplishment in my work and career.  In retirement, merely reaching the end of another year just doesn’t bring a lot of satisfaction.