Grugger’s Way

Yes, Retirement Danger Four is my tendency to OVER contribute to compensate for not having a full-time job anymore.
 
And where do I OVER-contribute?  At home, at the grocery store, at the mall, at the movies, at restaurants, at social events, at church, at taverns, at casinos, at ball games, at fundraisers, at just about any place or event that I attend and have the opportunity to contribute SOMETHING, I feel obligated to fork over some dollars and I tend to OVER contribute.  At least I think I do.

I guess, by definition, that would mean contributing more than my fair share, that is, the same fair share that anybody WITH A JOB! could contribute.  Perhaps people don’t expect that I should reach for my wallet every time the check, the bill, the invoice, or the collection plate comes around.  Perhaps I am wrong in my perception that folks think I am a gold-brick, a slacker, a non-contributor; since I don’t have a job anymore.  But then again, perhaps I am correct, and they DO think the worst of me, that I …don’t hold up my end, carry my weight, etc. etc..

And for whom do I OVER-contribute?  For my spouse, my adult children, grandchildren, friends, neighbors, former co-workers, even the children of former co-workers, plus waiters and waitresses (oops, “servers,” I forgot), people who don’t even KNOW that I am retired now and gold-bricking, not contributing, living on the public dole, a charity case, whatever.

You know what?  I think I am OVER-thinking.  So I will do whatever feels right…so long as no one else is contributing MORE.  Oh, man, there I go again.

Retirement Danger THREE is the danger of “taking over” things that we previously had no time for, or thought to be unimportant, or not worth our time. Suddenly, now that I am retired, I want to be involved with lots of stuff I never gave a hoot about before. Suddenly, every event that a grandchild is involved in becomes an item for my calendar. Whether it is a school music recital, a softball game, a gymnastics summer camp, whatever. Presto!  I’m there! Doesn’t matter if she expects me to be there, or even WANTS me there at all, I am going to be PRESENT. Grandpa is present everywhere these days it seems. The family begins to think I must not have anything else to do, or wonder if I have a life of my own anymore?

And the adult children get more than enough of my company too, I suspect.

And my own mother, now an 80-year-old great-grandmother, (81 later this month), will be getting a surprise visit from me TODAY!

And my Sister is going on vacation and her cat, “Dusty” is her name, needs someone to check up on her. Presto! Dusty gets to have me as her very own babysitter for a week! She lives in a cabin 100 miles away. (Well, there is a hot tub, so this is a pretty good deal for me.)

My step-son needs a tree planted in his boulevard area to meet a subdivision requirement. Presto! I buy a tree and plant it too. Put a nice collar around it and mulch it with bark. Lucky him. Suddenly his every wish is my command. I never had time for such things before retirement.

My son is expecting his first baby. He mentions that he thinks building a baby crib out of logs would be cool. Presto! I am out in the woods with my chain saw cutting pieces of dead pine trees to bring into MY garage so I (oops–WE) can peel the bark, sand, and shape. We don’t have a “draw knife” to peel the bark. Presto! I buy one. Lucky him. Lucky if he gets to participate at all. (Turns out to be WAY too much work for one retired guy to handle so, yes, he gets to participate quite a bit. This project is still under way with a long way to go. I had to make THREE trips into the woods to get just the right stuff.

Let’s see, what else can I “take over”?

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 Retirement Danger TWO - Invading Spouse Space and there is absolutely nothing to tell me exactly where the dividing line is between “being helpful” and “her domain.”

This can be quite a dilemma for a husband who just retired.  The wife wants help, and she doesn’t mean just mowing the lawn and cleaning out the garage…traditional HIS jobs around our place. 

This means, among other things,  that the wife wants help with cleaning the house…but DON’T TRY WATERING THE PLANTS!  Well, outside plants okay, but never inside plants!  No No No. 

The wife wants help with the laundry…but DON’T TRY LAUNDERING HER THINGS… Well, okay, sweat socks and workout clothes…but never anything ELSE!  Not undies, not jeans…not tops…(”tops” are what women call shirts).  I can do all my own stuff plus towels…all kinds of towels are okay.

The wife wants help with vacuuming…yes, I can HAVE AT IT!  Anything extra too.  Extra?  Wow, I found out “extra” means baseboards, window curtains, blinds and draperies, furniture, picture frames….picture frames get vacuumed?  Or I can dust them.  As a matter of fact, I can dust anything I want, just be sure to PUT IT ALL BACK RIGHT WHERE IT WAS!  Don’t even THINK about re-arranging knick-knack shelves, or moving furniture around.  That’s HER domain!

The wife would like me to share some of the cooking duties.  This I can do.  She has no complaints about what I make for dinner.  She also has no preferences, no ideas, no suggestions…just whatever I want to make.  I’ll bet I did the same thing to her when she asked for suggestions last year.  Well, I am good with oatmeal for dinner, honey, how about you?

There’s a lot of touch-up painting that can be done too.  But DON’T change any COLORS!

The deck needs to be stripped and re-stained.  She will pick out the stain color this year…just like the last time.  How about something darker?  No.  She wants something lighter.

There are a few other jobs that I can do without any guidance or restrictions.  Wash the car.  Wash the motor home.  Wash the windows in the house.  Whoa!  Windows!  Do I do windows?

Retirement Danger ONE - Inactivity.  I can think of no habit easier to fall into than becoming inactive…like a volcano that sits quietly for years…eventually it erupts, often with severe consequences.  That is how I view my body: a couch potato one day…a heart attack patient the next.

Yes, sitting around doing nothing is habit-forming.  It is so easy to do once we are retired and no longer marching to somebody else’s drumbeat.  No schedules to keep!  No appointments or meetings or deadlines!  Wow.  The relief from job stress is so great–at least for me–that I just want to “veg out” as the kids would say.  And that would be a death sentence.

I know it.  My wife knows it. My adult kids know it.  I know it.  Yes-I know it twice.

How to combat it?  I start by getting up in the morning, every morning, and providing breakfast and medicine for the dogs.  I also make a lunch for my wife to take along with her to work.  I know she appreciates it, but I also know it would not be necessary; she “orders in” a lot of the time anyway, and often goes out to meet her son for lunch.  She allows me to make her a lunch each day because it gets me out of bed and gives me a schedule to keep, a deadline, some discipline that I would maybe not otherwise impose on myself.  This has worked well for us.  After she leaves for work I am wide awake, have had coffee, am reading the morning newspaper and eating breakfast.  Getting the dogs out for a walk helps me too. 

Anything—absolutely anything to get me moving is good for me.

I still sit down and read e-mails, compose some blog entries like this one, and correspond with folks I keep in touch with. My daily activity includes yoga, picking up dog doo from the back yard, perhaps push the lawn mower a couple times a week.  I am helping my son build a baby crib out of logs and that has taken a lot of hours (and energy), getting out into the woods and selecting dead timber, peeling off the bark, trimming and sanding and fitting.  All in all, I like to feel like I am an active retiree, physically, but in truth I know that it is nowhere near the activity level I need to maintain a healthy weight, cholesterol level, etc., etc..  So I know I have to do MORE, and I am working on MORE.  It is just so easy to take it easy…