Grugger’s Way

There are so many “parts” of us that “wear out” as we get older:  our backs, our feet, our hearing and vision, balance and sense of smell.
And this “wearing out” process seems to accelerate. I think my biggest task or challenge is to SLOW down the aging process.  I do this partly by paying more attention to details and thus avoiding those accidents that put might put me flat on my back in the hospital.

I do have a couple of suggestions:

• Be careful when we lift or carry something, when we step up or step down, when we twist or turn.
• Remember to ask for help sometimes.  Especially for the heavy lifting.
• Don’t try to do everything around the house in one day.  I’m retired now.  I can wait and do some tomorrow.

How many of us have seen our older friends or parents take a fall or otherwise have an accident that puts them into a hospital bed?  That is the WORST place to be if you are trying to slow down the aging process.  Many older people express great fear of going into the hospital because they are afraid they will never get out.  Certainly that is a risk.  In the hospital patients have no control any more.  And a long term patient just wastes away.  No sunlight, no exercise, little contact with relatives and friends. The lack of normal activities and routine is disruptive to any person’s life, but is especially so for older folks.

The solution, at least in part, is to avoid the accidents and the diseases that put us in the hospital. 

Keep active, physically and mentally.  Be aware of our surroundings and watch for things that are out of place.  Don’t try to go up and down stairs without a handrail and without turning on the light.  Watch out for those pets that can be underfoot.  Always know exactly where that little kitty or puppy or grandchild is before you step or turn.
Yup.  Getting old is no easy task.  It is a challenge, just like the other challenges we have faced during our lives.

This one is the most important of all.

BALANCE means more to me now that I am older (62 years old today, by the way).

Balance has always been important in my life, and probably in yours too:  keeping some separation between the workplace and the home, between work time and personal time, between working relationships and personal relationships, between work-week and week-end.

Balance also symbolizes my ability to keep perspective in life.  Not too much work, alcohol, drugs, food, sex.  Not too much sleep or television.  Not too much rowdy playing with dogs and grandchildren either.

Balance is also equilibrium in our orientation toward good ol’ gravity!  This is an area we don’t want to neglect either.   I have heard so many horror stories of older people falling down in their garage or bathroom and being on the floor for a couple of days before someone checked in on them.  There are a couple of safeguards that we should at least be aware of for “older” friends and family, if not for ourselves–yet.

There is the lifeline bracelet and emergency alert buttons.  There is the daily phone call to check up on a friend or relative, or a daily visit to someone who lives alone.  For those who qualify, there are social service agencies that will pay daily visits to help with daily needs.  My own Father was discovered unconscious by the Meals on Wheels delivery person.  It pays to plan ahead, rather than have later regrets.

Balance personal freedom against personal safety.  We all have to decide.  Sometimes we have to decide for others.

Retirement Danger Six is the danger of Over-Exertion.  This is physical exertion, plain and simple.  And it is a real Danger because I spent the past eleven years sitting in front of a computer (emphasis on SITTING) and that was how I expended 50 hours of my life every week.   

My wife reminds me that the computer job wasn’t the problem but rather the fact that I didn’t do enough PHYSICAL activity to keep myself in decent condition.

The discovery that I can no longer do what I used to do all day long (not to mention all night long) shouldn’t have come as a surprise.  Unfortunately the surprise came as a shock to my back.  My lower back and, well, yes, my entire body was shocked.  This is physically painful, of course, but mentally it is an embarassment.  Just fourteen years ago I ran the San Diego Marathon.  All 26 miles of it.  That same year I also ran in four half-marathons and too many 10-kilometer races to keep track of.  My tee-shirt collection exceeded my book collection.  Then I left the area and left behind the nice San Diego weather for Montana weather, where I first tried to run in 6 degree temperature, up a hill, at over 3000 feet elevation (that’s elevation above sea level, not my attempted gain in elevation…ha ha ha; I wish).  

I joined a health club with an indoor track, but I still became pretty lazy.  My emphasis at the health club was on socializing (that sounds a lot like my college experience too).  I even married a woman I met at the health club’s yoga class.  Then we both let our memberships lapse, so what little workout I was getting in yoga fell by the wayside.  I succumbed to the laid-back, married lifestyle.  You notice I only said “I” succumbed.

I have no one to blame but myself.  My wife works out every day.  She does a 6 am workout and a 6 pm workout.  She walks, she runs, she treadmills, she yogas, she lifts weights, she bikes.  Our home fitness room rivals the health club in equipment–both in number and variety.  She even bought me equipment for my birthday…for her use, it turned out, because I became so lazy.

So eleven years later, I retired and decided to become very, very active in keeping the yard spiffy.  We started a garden that needed to be kept spiffy too.  And we had lots of large (and heavy) planting pots on the deck that needed to be moved around from time to time.  I had waited until I retired to clean out the garage and “get it organized.”  I had waited until I retired to clear out the dregs of my previous lives…all stored under the house in the crawlspace.  Now I know why it is called a crawlspace…if you don’t crawl, it is a back-killer.

 The sudden shock to my body was both sudden and shocking.  I had to re-evaluate my retirement routine as well as my goals.  My over-exertion and the physical breakdown my body suffered can be temporary.  My goals for physical fitness must become permanent.  If I don’t get myself back on a REAL workout routine, I am doomed to become one of those hunched over, “can’t get off the couch” old guys that I used to be so critical of. 

Yes, I am finally listening to my wife.  She’s right, I’m wrong.  I will do better.  I will do push-ups, I will do the treadmill, I will do more and I will do it carefully.  I don’t want to over-exert myself on this either.  (That’s famous strong-man Arthur Saxon on the right, not me.)

Retirement Danger FIVE is Boredom!  So… who isn’t bored from time to time?

But Boredom becomes a “danger” when:  I can’t find a reason to get up in the morning because I just face another boring day.  When I can’t be bothered to shower and shave because I have no reason to anymore.  When I read the morning newspaper in five minutes and toss it aside because “There’s nothing interesting in it anymore.” When I realize it is 5 pm and I am still in pajamas and slippers because I have no reason to go outside. When I feel anxiety because I am disconnected from my spouse for the next eight hours. When I fall asleep after reading a book for ten minutes because it’s boring. When I am ready for bed by 9 pm.  (Now wait, that could be due to exhaustion, or maybe I still appreciate being married.)

The fact of the matter is: if you are experiencing the symptoms listed above, you are not just bored, you are quite possibly clinically depressed, and could benefit by some professional help.   No one should simply tell you to “cheer up,” “get interested in something,” “get out there and DO something,” or “get over it and get on with life.”  Nope.  That’s not a solution.  Not for depression.  Each and every time I visit my doctor, she asks me if I am having trouble sleeping or think I am sleeping too much; if there have been any recent deaths of friends or family; if I am still interested in sex; if I am still having sex; what programs I enjoy on television; if I am still practicing yoga (one day she got on the floor and demonstrated an “asana” for me to relieve lower back pain, and had me get on the floor with her…she’s a good doctor and she works at a Veteran’s Affairs (VA) clinic.  She listens to my answers and evaluates whether I am bored (or depressed).  I understand what she is doing and why.  I trust her now, and I tell her the truth.

I guess I am fortunate in that I haven’t faced boredom or any of the above “warning signs,” (at least not yet).  But I also sometimes think that I rather enjoy just being bored; not bored with life, but free to explore my internal world, now that I am not so crazily involved in all the external distractions of surviving a career, co-workers, the telephone, the traffic, (I HATED commuting) etc.  So when I begin to fall into that “my life is now so dull” mode, I quickly change my mindset and think about how much I enjoy being bored now, and free from all the “excitement” that used to fill my day with other people’s BS. 

This “lollygagging” around time may lead to wonderful new discoveries about me…and what is more important in really enjoying later years than having the time to discover what I really missed out on in not knowing myself better.   

So…perhaps boredom can lead to creativity.  I might fill my “boring” hours with painting, writing, gardening, photography, yoga, jogging, fishing, golf, calligraphy, learning a new language, playing with the dogs, fighting with the cats (oh, I did that anyway).  I even take a measure of pleasure in this new thing, “blogging.”