Grugger’s Way

Joy of Retirement SIX - the joy of Discovering Family seems like a funny statement. After all, why or who needs to “discover” family?

Once again I return to an old theme:  In the FOG.  With my job always the number one priority, when did I spend time with family?  Oh, after work? Oh wait, after chores, after supper, after homework, after TV, after a while.

Yes, I recognize my failures over and over again.  But even when I spent time with the kids, there are FIVE of them…and all ages, both sexes, different priorities and time schedules of their own.  After school activities, friends, dates, sleepovers, baseball practices, gymnastics, games, tournaments….ok, ok, I attended lots of these events; but, watching your child is not the same as being with him or her.  I learned a couple of things during my many parenting years, most of which I learned too late to matter. 

Kids love undivided attention.  That means One Parent and One Child.  Two parents and they tend to talk to each other, occasionally “hushing” the kids.  With one parent and two kids there is constant bickering and positioning for attention.  No fun for anyone and finally they get a “hush down and be quiet.”

Once you have betrayed a child’s trust, you may never regain it.  If that child is 12 months old, and you leave for six months, it will take you three or four months to get reacquainted and finally regain that trust.  Leave again two months later for an additional six months, the child will be over two years old and will remember being abandoned.  You may never get him back.  Resentment and fear of abandonment will hold him back from trusting.

So, in retirement there is finally time.  A magic concept that is gone once you realize it is here.  The opportunity is here for a “quantity of quality.”  Make the best use of it.  If it is too late for the children who are now middle-aged adults themselves, give them the gift of spending time with the grandchildren.  Be an honored elder.  Keep calm and be patient with your children and grandchildren.

Be gentle with yourself. Forgive.

There will be no photos.  A child’s privacy is important too.

Joy of Retirement FIVE - the joy of Creative Time is a great joy for me as it is a luxury that I never had prior to retirement.  Oh, I created plenty of stuff for my employers, but that pretty much exhausted my creativity for the week.  Now, at home with no obligations to think up stuff for someone else’s use, I am free to enjoy my creative time, to explore my creative nature, to exercise my creative juices.  (Wow, so far there isn’t anything original or creative here to brag about.)

The urge to create something is evident even from the Caveman drawings that tout successful hunts or avoiding mayhem.  But there are not many Picasso’s or Leonardo da Vinci’s in the world.  Not many Edison’s or Franklin’s or Einstein’s.

This Cave drawing depicts a
man being attacked by a bison.

Most of us are just ordinary “joes” or “joans” who have ordinary talents, ordinary skills and mostly ordinary thoughts, but we can still leave parts of ourselves in this world to say “I was here; I mattered”  if only for our descendents.

Horse by Leonardo da Vinci

I think the need to create is almost a compulsion.  Retirement offers an opportunity to contemplate our contributions, our lives, our legacy.  We can learn new skills, we can learn to appreciate talent in others, we can find new appreciation in physical exertions, artistic expressions in music, art, theater, creative writing, sculpture, architecture, and a host of other pursuits that we just didn’t find time for when we were employed.  Now I regret that I didn’t force myself to set aside time for such pursuits of knowledge and experience years and years ago.  They say we can always make time for what is important to us.  That says a lot about me.  Work was important to me.  Now…time is important to me.

I took a drawing class; found out I didn’t have a whit of talent to DO, but I did appreciate what others could do.   I drew a coffee mug.  Whoopee.

 I took a photography class and found out that the technical aspects of creating technically good shots was way too technical for me and isn’t so much fun.  I will always remain a “point and shoot” guy, I think.

I do like to take photos of our pets. This puppy grew up to be a 140 pound St. Bernard named “Lucy.”  Looked to me like a cocker spaniel.

PUPPY EYES

I have taken yoga classes and thought I could do all this at home without paying for it, but found out I lack discipline.  Perhaps I will stick with the classes after all. 

I spend a lot of my time writing.  I have a novel almost completed, except that I decided to make a major change in the storyline, so I have a lot of re-writing to do.  I write for several blogs, including some that pay, but not very much, and I don’t write for money anyway and so that’s a good excuse when I don’t make any. 

I love to spend time in the kitchen now, but have to stay out of the wife’s way.  Most of the stuff I would enjoy baking are not so healthful for me anymore.  I could always give it away to the grandkids; they will eat anything.  Perhaps I better stick to steamed veggies and yams and Eggo omelets. 

Musically, I am practically tone deaf; perhaps due to very poor hearing in one ear and being nearly deaf in the other.  There is one musical instrument that I enjoy playing: the African drum.  Yes, I can beat on my new djembe for hours (so long as no one else is in the house).  I am better at playing than I am at listening to others play for any length of time.  I am learning all about the rhythm of life as reflected in our heartbeats and the beats of the drum.  My wife and I went to a Drum Brothers Montana Retreat last summer and had a great time.  We even built drums.  Wonderful experience.  I am going to enjoy retirement so much.  Probably so much that my wife will think she ought to retire next.  That would be okay. I guess.  But I don’t know if we could stand to be around each other, creating all the time.

Joys of Retirement FOUR - the Joy of Hearth and Home

I had never equated “joy” with being home before, but since joy is the subject I am addressing these days, I certainly have to include the enjoyment of Hearth and Home as a joy that I have discovered since retirement.

I never realized how little time I really spent at home. When I was employed full time I worked about 50 hours a week.  Add commuting time to that and I was gone about 55 hours a week.  If one wants to talk about quality time remaining to enjoy “home,” we probably ought to subtract at least two hours a day for “getting ready” and “chores” that have to be done every single day.  During the winter months here in Montana, it was dark when I left for work and dark when I returned home.  My wife and I did not stay up late into the night (we both worked), so we had about three hours together each day.  (I think back to the days when there were children in the house, and we really didn’t have ANY time to ourselves then.)

So…back when I worked full-time, weekends were pretty much IT when it came to free time and the enjoyment of “hearth and home.”  But, being realistic, weekends also meant chores.  We spent most of our time working.  If we took a trip anywhere, it had to be short because we would have to find some other time to make up for the chores we didn’t finish.  What a rat race!  I never even realized what a rut of a life we had worked ourselves into.

Did I enjoy it? Umm. Didn’t know any better.  You have to have something to compare it too, and that was the only life I had known for…what…FORTY-SOME YEARS!

So here I am, mid-morning, retired now, and the pets are fed, the garbage taken out to the street, the wife is off to work, and I sit here in front of a computer screen.  Well, I did a lot of this before retirement too, but now it is by choice.  I can get up and do something else any time, so there is comfort in that.  I enjoy my extra time at home immensely.  I ought to capitalize the word “IMMENSELY.”  This is the best time of my life.  I enjoy my morning coffee and newspaper.  I enjoy watching the wildlife wander by.  I enjoy messing around with the pets. (They are finally getting used to having me around.  The five of them were pretty much in charge around here most of the time.) I enjoy watching the weather changes…I see the clouds forming on top of the mountains, the wind picking up and the first rain drops falling.  This is leisure.  This is life.  I think I will shop for something to have ready for dinner when the wife returns tonight…perhaps I will fire up the bar-b-que and surprise her with wild salmon grilled the way she likes it.  This is the way I envisioned retirement; I saw it and it was good.

Clouds form above Morman Peak in the Bitterroot Range of Montana

 
The Joys of Retirement - the Joy of Slowing Down

I’m thinking that this will be a short post to write…since I am slowing down.  I guess there are several ways to think about slowing down:  slower walking, slower eating, slower heartbeat, slower sex, etc., but I’m most interested in the mental and emotional states than the physical, although the physical aspects of slowing down are real enough.

But I am trying to write about the “joy” so here we go:

Emotionally, I just don’t get so upset and riled about things that used to bother me a LOT.  I think being able to “let go” of  issues, to allow other people’s quirks and mannerisms and bad habits to not get me upset…that is a lot of emotional progress for me.  As for politics and government…where I spent most of my working years…what a relief to finally let go of that.  Emotionally, I feel much more satisfied with life.  My wife would call it being out of the “fog.”  

Mentally, I can’t recall things as fast as I used to, but it is still all in there.  I find that it doesn’t bother me to not beat out the contestants on Jeopardy. I am a little slower with remembering names, but I was always really good with that, so I’m still on a par with most folks-of any age.  I am more relaxed mentally; free to think about creative things or projects, or upcoming holidays and birthdays.  My mind is not so cluttered with job stuff-and there used to be plenty of job clutter. For sure. 

Yes, I am quite content; I guess being content is a sign of slowing down.  If so, it is a good sign.