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Archive for the 'Humor too' Category

Jun 11 2009

Poop Should NOT smell like Chocolate!

Published by dougkueffler under Humor too Edit This

chocolate1.jpgHow much chocolate do you think a person would have to eat at a single sitting in order to have poop smell like chocolate?

A stupid question you think? Perhaps so, but if you are eating so much chocolate that your poop smells “chocolate-ty,” then you will might as well give up on dieting.

I can speak from experience (oh boy, here we go…). After consuming a 16-ounce chocolate product before going to sleep one night, I did discover that olfactory sensation the next morning. My poop smelled like chocolate! How embarrassing! Especially since this occurred not in the privacy of my own home, but rather in the Navy, on board ship, in the most “public” facilities one could imagine. That men would notice and comment…”OKAY, who has chocolate in here?” is particularly noteworthy since they thought I was not “sharing” my treat from home.

They were correct. I had received and quickly consumed my “treat from home” before any other shipmates could demand that I share it with them. My selfishness was somewhat justified because we were out at sea for 103 days and supplies of “pogey bait” were low. The “treat from home” was received courtesy of the ship’s helicopter that made a trip over to the Aircraft Carrier to pick up our mail.

I cared not a whit about my calories or my weight back in those days. I weighed about 145, all six feet of me. We are talking 25 years ago.

Incidentally, today, June 11, is the anniversary of the date that I first joined the Navy in 1965. Wow, that was 44 years ago! I am officially an old fart who still loves chocolate.

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6 responses so far

May 08 2009

FRiction Friday

Published by dougkueffler under Culture, Humor too Edit This

At least once a week we ought to be entitled to blow off steam at some of the things that have “bugged” us during the past few days…don’t you think?

I could easily go on a rampage and list hundreds of types of people and activities that really annoy me, but who else cares?

Let’s see if you recognize and can empathize with some of these:grocery-cart-shopping-cart.jpg

    Animal poop in public places

    Open-mouth, tongue-wagging, SLURPY kisses on television. Not a turn-on, it’s not REAL! It’s television!

    Parents who don’t control their kids in grocery stores.

    People who never have their money ready at check-out. “Oh, I have to pay now? Let me find my checkbook.”

    Kids who run up and down escalators, usually in the opposite direction. (ok, I used to do this too, but now I am an adult)

    People who fart in elevators. (This might make every list.)

Have a grateful weekend.

2 responses so far

May 01 2009

Anti-deer potion, but will it work

Published by dougkueffler under Humor too, Lifestyle Edit This

We have a problem with neighborhood whitetail deer, known locally as “urban whitetail.” They feed on just about everything planted into the ground. Newly planted trees, left unprotected by fencing, will be nothing but a short stick by the next morning. I saw that happen to my neighbor lady, who labored for half a day to plant the thing, and lost it overnight. She never tried again. In fact, she put house up for sale and moved away, another frustrated gardener.
deer-whitetail-deer.jpg
If I sit here at my computer by the upstairs window I can take photos of deer walking through my yard, or my neighbor’s, nearly every day of the year. They forage for food, of course, and my yard is easy pickings, normally.

Now I have begun spraying something called Liquid Fence, which is composed of putrescent egg solids and garlic, and nearly makes me vomit each time I spray it on the shrubs in front of the house. After a few hours I can no longer smell it, but evidently deer (and rabbits) can detect the odor and it repels them. Evidently. Supposedly, re-applying about once a month should keep the deer away. We will see.

One thing I DO know: Dogs LOVE the stuff! It smells like poop to them and if left available to them, they will lick it up and roll around in it. What FUN!

5 responses so far

Apr 30 2009

Stephen King - Double Take!

Published by dougkueffler under Culture, Humor too, Writing Edit This

On TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS today, I did double-takes on old guys that I would SWEAR looked just like Stephen King.

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So that we are on the same page here, I think Stephen King has a very distinctive, almost unique look about him–especially his eyes.

stephen-king.jpgBut, Nay, both of my look-alikes turned out to be ordinary, late-middle-age guys with a paunch, shaggy unkempt hair and glasses.

I don’t recall EVER, in my life, doing double takes on Stephen King look-a-likes, so twice in one day seems just exceptionally STRANGE.

Both of these guys were shopping for stuff, like me, and were intensely interested in what they were checking out. Perhaps it was the intensity that made me think of Stephen King. I haven’t read any of this stuff lately, just his how-to book On Writing that describes his craft and techniques.

jonathan_franzen-looks-like-stephen-king1.jpgThere are other people who do resemble Stephen King, just in case you are now curious. One of these is the Author of the book, The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen, so here is a photo of him:

There is another guy who picture is out on the internet who asks if we think he looks like Stephen King. I really see a resemblance to the Stephen King of thirty years ago, but not so much any more.
stephen-king-lookalike-1.jpg
So, in the end, I finished buying my broccoli and spinach and headed out to my next stop. Perhaps tomorrow will bring other illusions of familiarity.

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