Feb 24 2009
Stinky Elevator? Who Did it?
There are some things we should not have to put up with in the elevator. Or I could say, “there are some things in an elevator with which I should not have to put up.”
Let’s list some of our biggest problem people. (Feel free to add your own in Comments.)
- Silent farter (pig) (Ever notice that NOBODY has the ‘nads to fart out loud?)
- Loud eater (any eater or slurper)
- In My Face people who stand too close (and we ALL have bad breath close up)
- Nose blowers (includes hackers and coughs and burps)
- Cell phone talkers (loud or not loud–doesn’t matter–I hate ‘em)
- Singers (whistlers too)
- Gigglers (and whisperers who giggle–of whom 99.9 percent are young girls)
- Button managers (I can press for my own floor, thanks. And the door will open and close by itself. DORK.)
- People who think that ogling someone’s cleavage or pants bulge is acceptable in an elevator.
LET’S HEAR YOUR NUMBER TEN!
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I am happy not to have many elevators in my life. I’m thinking about my number ten.
Maybe in a large office building the way the office cleaners stop the elevators and shout at each other from floor to floor while you wait for the elevator to come to you.
They can get snippy about letting the elevator go.
I’ve gotten into a crowded elevator and had someone grab my arse, couldn’t even tell you if it was a man or a woman because we were wedged in tight.
I’m a farter unfortunately and nothing on the market helps this from happening, they aren’t silent and most of the time they aren’t stinkers but they sure are loud - hahaaahaaaa
What is with this elevator obsession? I never use elevators. If a building is more than ten stories tall somebody will eventually fly a plane into.
You didn’t go to Clemson, did you?
http://faustrollwritesthewrongs.today.com/2009/02/02/what-does-not-kill-me-makes-me-fart/
Elevators in general are just one of the most awkward and Kafka-esque contraptions known to man.
Trapped for a good bit in extremely close quarters with complete strangers.
My big pet peeve is the one person who tries to strike up a conversation with you about the weirdest stuff (like conspiracy theories or his recent surgeries).
Have you considered living horizontally. It works for me
You forgot the worst elevator offenders. The people I call the Closers, who are in such a hurry (or are such jerks) that they close the elevator door when they can clearly see someone running for the elevator. It would only take a split second to press the OTHER button to keep the door open, but they deliberately press Close.
Sure, some people aren’t real Closers, they make a mistake and in haste press the wrong button. But there are plenty of people who press Close on purpose. I’ve been in elevators with them and have seen them chuckle at the hapless person who was running to make the elevator and saw the doors close just as they reached the door.
I worked on the 17th floor for 4 years and worked on the 8th for for 5 years, so I have seen plenty.
Smelly underarms has got to be on the list. Next to smelly underarms (pun intended), has got to be the crowded elevator with no where to turn but 6 inches from someones face, underarms, or even worse, their butt. The most awkward of moments come when everyone smells the same foul smell but no one wants to talk about it. Boy can that make a one floor ride take eternity. Or what about the fat guy that decides to belch his taco burrito lunch into the atmosphere or even worse, have it come out as gas right when the door closes and he gets out to leave it for everyone else still in the elevator.
Add to the list the people who smooch,slobber, and/or grope each other in total oblivion to what or who is around them.