Grugger’s Way

Grandpa Casper’s Christmas Coin Purse

Grandpa always carried his coins in a cute little coin purse that was magical…it never ran out of coins.  He was quite generous with the coins as well…since they were magic like “loaves and fishes” and I thought they never seemed to run out.    You may recognize it as something only “older” people ever have in their pockets.  You may occasionally see an “older” person at a grocery store checkout stand, even today, patiently counting out the “exact change” which will make it “easier for the cashier.”  Well, today I found a magic little coin purse for myself; I had no idea these were still being made.

For years and years, Christmas always meant that our Grandpa Casper would be coming to visit.  There are several memories that stand out from those Christmas visits.  One was that he and my Father would always have to cook up some (NO wait, MOM had to cook up some) LUTEFISK!  This is a disgustingly foul-smelling fish that is only edible after it has been soaked in lye and …..well, it’s just disgusting.  It has a gelatinous texture, or as Garrison Keillor has described it, “the world’s largest chuck of phlegm.“  Keillor also said that “eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.”

When Casper came to visit we also had “lefse,” which is a thin flatbread like a tortilla only made from potato.  I remember how he would place a 10-inch diameter piece of lefse on his bare forearm and apply butter and then sugar, and then roll it up like a jelly roll.  Come to think of it, sometimes jelly was applied as well.  I could eat lefse like a champ, but always said “no” to the lutefisk. Old country traditions only go so far.

I loved Grandpa Casper so much; and his visits were absolutely the highlight of my entire year…perhaps of my entire childhood.  He was born in 1884; I remember because he would always have an 1884 silver dollar to show me. (and remember…it was Christmas.)

“A Spanking is what you all deserve for Christmas”

If you think this is a terrible thing to say to your children on Christmas Eve, you won’t get any argument from me.

If you have trouble believing that a Father would say this to his children, then I will verify it to be the truth.  Nothing spoils a holiday faster than a drunk.  Any holiday. Any drunk.

I was only twelve, but I remember how it affected my sisters and me.  They were terrified; I thought I would fight him off or call the cops.  Mom kept him under control, but what an asshole.

The “holiday season” is the most stressful time of the year–hands down.  When you live in a dysfunctional family, you hope and pray that it might be different this year; that Dad will come home early and come home sober.  I have never forgotten how he managed to ruin just about every special event in our lives.  I can’t say that I have forgiven him but I no longer hold it against him.  He doesn’t remember much of anything anymore.  Living in a nursing home, he is now isolated from the family; who mostly resent him and have no sympathy as he slowly deteriorates further into dementia.  At least I now recognize that alcoholism is a disease.  Too late for him; too late for us.

Some things you can never get back.  I know–I should get over it and move on. Some things you never forget and just never seem to “get over.”

Anger in Assisted Living Facilities

What?  The old folks are Angry?  I don’t have to wonder why.  I’ve spent just enough time with relatives who are “confined” to these facilities to understand full well why they might be angry.  First of all, a HUGE percentage feel like they’ve been abandoned by their families.  Sort of
like being left out in the desert along the trail with a canteen of water and a bit of hardtack:

“Yer a goner, fer sure, ol’ timer, and we jest cain’t spare the fixin’s to keep haulin you along.” 

There are plenty of reasons an elderly person can no longer live alone, on their own.  They often are frail, forget to turn off appliances like irons and stoves, have trouble with balance, have trouble getting up out of bed or up off a couch.  They have dietary restrictions or simply fail to feed themselves due to a lack of appetite or ability to prepare food.  They often are depressed.

Yes, depressed.  And then they are placed in a “facility” where about 23 percent of the other people there are depressed too.  They all get more depressed and more angry.  They are angry that they are old.  They are angry that that have been removed from their homes. They are angry at the other residents.  They are often resentful and intolerant.  They don’t like the staff and feel neglected or mistreated.  Nice way to spend the “golden years,” huh?

The fact of the matter is that many of these assisted living residents could benefit from professional anger management assistance.  They rarely get any help in this regard.  Medical staff at assisted living facilities rarely refer a resident for such services.  Cost may be part of the problem, but I believe attitude is the greater problem.  I don’t think staff at these facilities are often trained to recognize depression-related anger or informed of the services that might be of assistance to the residents in their care.

We are in this aging population who will need to be served by such facilities.  We are the fastest-growing segment of the population, and I believe we deserve better care than what most assisted-living residents are now receiving.  I think prison inmates receive more attention and better care than our elderly.  Society is just too often ready to give up on the elderly, figuring that they will “die off soon….or eventually, anyway.”

If you are interested in further reading, see Anderson and Anderson Anger Management , which is in part the source of the idea for my blog post today.

Winter Solstice is a New Beginning

For years I have observed the winter solstice as the beginning of the Sun’s return.  December 21st this year at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time (-5 GMT).

I look forward to the solstice each year because I always get depressed as the daylight hours become fewer and fewer in November and December.  Perhaps I suffer from SAD, the seasonal affective disorder that affects some people more than others. (also called winter blues)  I hate to see the annual end to daylight saving time because that is such a sudden change to our daylight hours.  I have an increased craving for sweets during this time, I sleep too much, and don’t have a lot of energy.  I recently read that those are all symptoms of SAD. (Wonderful! Now I have an excuse for “sleeping in” and eating candy.)

So, just the other night I was e-mailing back and forth with my Mom and found out she feels the same way!  Exclamation point because she is 81 and I am 61 and we just discovered this about each other!

You may be able to guess that one of my favorite days is the day that daylight saving time begins again in the spring.  Another favorite day is June 21, but not because that is the longest day (it also marks the beginning of fading daylight again), but rather because that is my Mom’s birthday, and she will be 82 in 2009.  Still vibrant, still sharp as a tack, still full of piss and vinegar and doesn’t take crap from anyone.

So we will enjoy the solstice and then Christmas and then look forward to longer days again.