Grugger’s Way

A couple of days ago I wrote about my bathroom scale and her moods and personality. 

Today, I want to extend that “theory of female appliances” to explain the challenges we men face in the kitchen and utility room.

First of all, the washer and dryer.  Why did we have to part with the old ones?  I knew them.  They were a friendly, cooperative couple.  Old, but comfortable with my stuff.   The new ones are all flash and glamour.   Okay, they have substance too, but that is something only my wife seems to be able to bring out in them.  Lights all over the place.  Bells and whistles and alarms.  Settings!  Lots of Settings!  They are just too sensitive for me.  I swear that they cry sometimes.  Well, they make ME cry sometimes.

Here I am a retired guy at home all day and I just want to HELP OUT SOME!  No big deal, right?  So why do the appliances all seem to conspire against me?  It’s not just the new washer and dryer.  The dishwasher is…is…well, she is the worst!   You should LISTEN to her!  All bumps and grinds and thumps.  What are those THUMPS anyway?  And I can’t open her up in the middle of her cycle…catch all kinds of hell for that.

I have managed to master the microwave.  I am now certain that he is a HE!  Simple to operate, easy to manipulate, no frills, doesn’t care what I put to him, he just lights a fire under it and COOKS!  Of course, I did first have to learn about metal spoons.  But now…we are a guy team!

Now I am feeling more like the ALFA male around here.  (The alfa female stills rules, of course, but when she is at work the house is MINE!)

Toaster? No problem.
Blender?  Only need one setting.
Popcorn popper?  Use the microwave.
Vacuum?  I invented it.
Range and Oven? Got it down.
Iron? Never found a use for one.

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