Jul 10 2008
Retired Life - Feeling Left Out of the Loop
The Retired Life - Feeling Ignored and Being Left out of the Loop.
I do not consider myself to be overly sentimental; and I am willing to admit that when it comes to hosting visitors in our home, I am a bit reticent. We are very private in our home life and do not share of lot of information about our finances, medical conditions, dog and cat problems, appliances acting up, garden progress, lawn maintenance, etc…etc…not even with our family members; that is, our parents, our siblings, our adult children and the grandkids, etc.
We are finicky about cleanliness of the house and always want to properly prepare to receive guests. This just seems normal to us. We are choosy about who we invite over, and my wife will not even come to the door if someone shows up unexpectedly. Because we kind of include FAMILY in the above restrictions, I believe we are thought of as “odd ducks.”
That has never bothered me much because we don’t have to explain why we are not available to receive visitors and we don’t have uninvited guests showing up.
So what is my problem? Being “left out of the loop.”
I think the tables have been turned on me somewhat. Today, I accidentally discovered that my daughter and her entire family, husband and two grandkids are coming to town to visit for the weekend (from 500 miles away) and she hasn’t bothered to let me know. She has other “family” in town to stay with and they have events planned. I don’t know if she would have even bothered to call and see if I wanted to get together. I also found out she has a new job that she will be starting next week. Again, a total surprise to me.
I found out, again accidentally, that my son has repaired an old car of his that was sitting on his property for about ten months now. He and I had discussed the repairs and a mechanic had provided an estimate, but nothing further was said until I discovered today that he had hired a different mechanic, completed the repairs, and now the vehicle is ba
ck in his driveway so he and the wife each have a vehicle. She is due to have a baby today or tomorrow (or yesterday), but no word from him on progress, labor pains, doctor’s visits–nothing. He lives here in town. We spent last weekend together at OUR HOUSE! We thought it was pretty nice and we certainly expected to be kept up to date on the impending birth of a grandchild.
So, in view of my own private nature (even secretive perhaps) am I justified in feeling “left out”? Or, do I deserve exactly the type of treatment that I perceive (being ignored; left in the dark)?
Maybe I shouldn’t complain. I guess I have two choices: I can change the way I treat them; become more social and act like a proper father and grandfather; or, I can just accept that my behavior will be reflected in how they treat me in return.
