Jun 05 2008
Joys of Retirement SIX - Discovering Family
Joy of Retirement SIX - the joy of Discovering Family seems like a funny statement. After all, why or who needs to “discover” family?
Once again I return to an old theme: In the FOG. With my job always the number one priority, when did I spend time with family? Oh, after work? Oh wait, after chores, after supper, after homework, after TV, after a while.
Yes, I recognize my failures over and over again. But even when I spent time with the kids, there are FIVE of them…and all ages, both sexes, different priorities and time schedules of their own. After school activities, friends, dates, sleepovers, baseball practices, gymnastics, games, tournaments….ok, ok, I attended lots of these events; but, watching your child is not the same as being with him or her. I learned a couple of things during my many parenting years, most of which I learned too late to matter.
Kids love undivided attention. That means One Parent and One Child. Two parents and they tend to talk to each other, occasionally “hushing” the kids. With one parent and two kids there is constant bickering and positioning for attention. No fun for anyone and finally they get a “hush down and be quiet.”
Once you have betrayed a child’s trust, you may never regain it. If that child is 12 months old, and you leave for six months, it will take you three or four months to get reacquainted and finally regain that trust. Leave again two months later for an additional six months, the child will be over two years old and will remember being abandoned. You may never get him back. Resentment and fear of abandonment will hold him back from trusting.
So, in retirement there is finally time. A magic concept that is gone once you realize it is here. The opportunity is here for a “quantity of quality.” Make the best use of it. If it is too late for the children who are now middle-aged adults themselves, give them the gift of spending time with the grandchildren. Be an honored elder. Keep calm and be patient with your children and grandchildren.
Be gentle with yourself. Forgive.
There will be no photos. A child’s privacy is important too.
