Grugger’s Way

Keeping Useful is an important Retirement Challenge that affects both our emotional and physical health. I believe it is impossible for us to understand the pain of feeling “useless” or “worthless” until we experience it.  But I have seen the effects and can imagine what it must feel like: I heard it spoken by a man I cared about; an elderly man who had lost his spouse and felt he had nothing left to live for.  He often told me how “useless” and “worthless” he was. He slept most of the day in a big rocker-recliner.  When he was awake he turned on his television and then fell asleep again.

After his spouse died, his physical condition deteriorated quickly.  He lost physical mobility, he lost appetite, he lost touch. Most of his conversation concerned his personal health problems.  He had no remaining hopes or ambitions for the future.  The future was a concept that did not extend beyond the end of the current day for him, each and every day, until his end finally came in the middle of the night. He died alone.
 
My wife and I always thought that he really perked up during our visits. We spent every other weekend with him, some 200 miles away. Forty trips we made to Spokane. When we left on Sunday afternoons he was always saddened, but we felt that he was in better physical and emotional condition when we left than when we arrived the day before. He seemed to enjoy the attention. For two days he had someone to talk to, to share his grief; I believe he appreciated our visits. He insisted that he would not leave his home “until the Lord took him.” He often expressed his thoughts about his remaining days and that he was ready to leave this world. He didn’t care if his health improved or not, just so he didn’t feel any more physical pain. We couldn’t relieve his emotional pain; he missed his loving wife who had been all he had left in this life. She was his only reason to get up each morning. He had no other family. “He was ready to die,” he said. I don’t know if some close family connections could have given him reason to live or even improved his mental outlook. I thought he always perked up when we visited and that he made efforts to show his appreciation.

We all have to die…it’s a matter of when, not if. It was sad to see someone so unhappy, without purpose, thinking himself totally useless…

I can’t give out much advice about keeping useful.  Right now I don’t have any trouble in finding things to do, but I am fortunate to have a spouse and many family members as well.  But I am more than twenty years younger than he was…a lot can change. 

So I intend to take an interest in my adult children and the grandchildren too, find some hobbies, stay involved with community and friends, read the newspaper, garden a little, take pride in my home and in my personal appearance. I will always find something to do–something that will get me out of the house; out of my own little world; out of own little mind.

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