Grugger’s Way

Most of the faces and names were familiar: Alicia Keys, Lady Gaga, Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Lopez, Janet Jackson, Keith Urban. There was even a special performance by Whitney Houston, which was a really tearful, heartfelt performance which I think everyone enjoyed.

But the teaser at each commercial break was a promised “spectacular” by newcomer and American Idol first runner-up, Adam Lambert.

Adam Lambert, the flamboyant and out-of-the-closet gay man, delivered what was either OVER THE TOP, OUTRAGEOUS AND FANTASTIC! or else was VULGAR, OBSCENE, OFF-KEY, SELF-INDULGENT, SADO-MASOCHISTIC TRASH. Trash.

The reviewers around the country on the morning after were just about evenly split between the two extremes. In other words, no one said it was just hum-drum, so-so, average or just okay.

NOPE. Feelings about the performance were strong on both sides. Why couldn’t he have been a little more subtle? Perhaps brushing his hand against the keyboard player’s cheek instead of laying a full open-mouth lip-lock on him? Why did he have to carry the bondage thing to the point of rubbing a man’s face into his own crotch in a gesture that was deemed “repulsive” enough to get the censor’s cut for the West Coast tape delay broadcast?

I don’t know the answers. I do know that he missed some notes, sounded flat, seemed to run out of energy. I think it will all take a toll on him. He might be fiercely defensive for the next few days, but I hope he realizes that he doesn’t have to go to such extremes to separate himself from the “pop” music of American Idol.

My wife was a big fan, but last night left her shaking her head and wondering if he will be someone she will bother to watch in the future. She did not pre-order his CD, which surprised me, and now I don’t know if she will even buy it.

I remember running my very first two-mile race, in 1986. When we finished we lit up our cigarettes and had a beer. What idiots.

All I can say is that quitting cigarettes was the most difficult thing I ever did. And I did it over and over and over again. It was like re-gaining all the weight I lost during a diet. Start all over again.

This is the Great Smokeout Day, but few people who stop today will be successful for very long. It is the most addictive habit there is. I think people on drugs have an easier time breaking their habit than tobacco smokers.

People in Alcoholics Anonymous take outside breaks in order to smoke.

People in prison head outside to the exercise yard in order to smoke.

I remember where I was at the moment I heard the news, of course: Sophomore year English Class. Mrs. Nelson, whom, up until the moment I saw her silently crying, standing in front of the class, was non-existent as a human being for me.

Bobby, Jackie and Ted in the funeral procession. The photo of Jackie Kennedy was taken at Arlington National Cemetery. The three Kennedy’s destined for greatness, Jack, Robert, Edward, at Kennedy retreat in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts.

Mrs. Kennedy and the children were icons as well. We followed their every activity during the three days following the assassination. There was no school, at least for me. Honestly, I was so upset, I could not imagine the World even continuing to exist, much less worry about high school. It is possible that schools were closed. I can’t even remember. It did not matter.

Below is a photo from 1982. I am the guy with the sneer on my face in the lower left corner. The guy in the upper right corner was already a Shellback, King Neptune’s Trusty Servant; and the rest of us were Pollywogs, (WOGS). We were crawling around on our hands and knees on non-skid surface of the aircraft carrier’s flight deck. We wrapped rags or foam rubber and duct tape around our knees and hands.

The “weapon” in the Shellback’s hand is called a shillaly*, and is made out of a short length of fire hose, with one end wrapped tightly with tape to make a rigid “handle.” The shillaly was used on our backsides to make us “move along smartly,” as he had us “wog dogs” on leashes. Believe me, this was just to be the beginning of a most “exhilarating experience.”

*NOTE: we pronounced the word as “shill-LAY-lee”